Funny Quotes

  THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don’t eat fast. If you are fat, don’t eat– FAST!!!The best way to lose weight is by skipping… skip the desserts… skip the snacks… skip the beer… skip the SKIPPY.

DIET JOKE: Try my wife’s new recipe for diet meatloaf… Don’t worry, you won’t eat much..

Gravity brings me down.

One should eat to live not live to eat.

Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

People go to weight watchers to learn their lessens.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

God must love calories because he made so many of them!

Life is full of ups and pounds.

Having a perfect body isn’t difficult… it’s impossible.

The height diet: to lose weight just eat the stuff you hate. 

Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Stop congratulating me. I haven’t put my other foot on the scale yet.  (Weight watchers ditty.)

You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.

The world is divided into people who live to eat and those who eat to live.

Eat thrivo to stay alive-o. (It melts in your mouth, not on your thighs.)

Excuse me, are you sure this scale is in pounds and not in ounces?

Diet tongue twister: a good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

Fat is not a moral problem. It is an oral problem.