Cute Funny Quotes
Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.
I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.