Funny Quotes

“There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”

“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Death is hereditary.

Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.