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Funny Drinking Quotes

I drink to make other people interesting.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.

I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.

A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money?

Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, It makes you lean….against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

A drunk mans words are a sober man’s thoughts.

An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.


  1. Amy Said,

    June 12, 2007 @ 5:36 pm

    I don’t have a drinking problem, I drink, I get drunk, I fall down….. NO PROBLEM!

  2. Kathy Said Said,

    August 15, 2007 @ 7:36 am

    There’s too much blood in my alcohol system

  3. Kathahol Said,

    August 15, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

  4. Shalz Said,

    September 24, 2007 @ 1:41 am

    Awesome quotes…. loved them..

  5. i Said,

    October 13, 2007 @ 7:49 pm

    take my drunk im home

  6. Gina Said,

    October 26, 2007 @ 11:05 pm

    I drink too much… last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it!!!

  7. Andrew Said,

    November 1, 2007 @ 7:49 am

    You aren’t drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on.

  8. ryan Said,

    December 10, 2007 @ 4:02 pm

    i recently read a book on the dangers of drinking, scared the sh*t outta me, ive decided to give up on reading

  9. Shady Said,

    December 26, 2007 @ 4:24 am

    Beer makes people Smarter. It made Bud Wiser !

  10. Amanda Said,

    February 24, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

    If life hands you a lemon, bust out the tequila and salt.

  11. kaitlyn Said,

    April 12, 2008 @ 9:39 pm

    I swear to drunk I’m not God….No officer it was elvis who was driving the car when it hit the old lady not me…..Okay Okay maybe I did have that 19 bear but only because Elvis said that I could never finish it, it was my obligation to prove him wrong.

  12. joe Said,

    October 10, 2008 @ 6:41 pm

    I dont have a drinking problem…. I’ve got it all figured out

  13. eric Said,

    October 20, 2008 @ 6:46 pm

    some people call me an alcoholic. i don’t associate with those people.

    I’m not an alcoholic. alcoholics go to meetings, i’m just a drunk.

  14. eric Said,

    October 20, 2008 @ 6:46 pm

    some people call me an alcoholic. i don’t associate with those people.

    I’m not an alcoholic. alcoholics go to meetings, i’m just a drunk.

  15. kaycee Said,

    October 28, 2008 @ 5:59 am

    ALCOHOL”””””- D best times in ya life u’ll never remember…

  16. pplcallmepete Said,

    November 5, 2008 @ 4:48 pm

    Alcohol cures what women destroy.

  17. Elen Said,

    November 21, 2008 @ 6:06 pm

    Thank you all!!! You make my evening :)))

  18. Jaco Smook Said,

    March 9, 2009 @ 7:11 am

    I don’t drink a lot! Only in the evenings and on weekends.

  19. alexx Said,

    April 3, 2009 @ 2:00 am

    im in no condition to drive….WAIT….i shouldnt listen to myself, im drunk!

  20. Ronz Said,

    April 20, 2009 @ 7:17 pm

    Beauty lies in the eyes of the beer holder..!!! :)))

  21. Charlee Said,

    January 20, 2011 @ 2:47 pm

    Hey that was just sheer thirst, that had NOTHING to do with my alcoholism.

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