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Funny Sarcastic Quotes

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

I’m smiling. This should scare you.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).

I never admit or deny anything it makes me more interesting.

By the time you read this you’ve already read it.

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.


  1. alexa Said,

    April 20, 2007 @ 6:48 am

    i love ur page its funny and i love being sarcatic

  2. karlie Said,

    May 23, 2007 @ 10:55 am

    thats it, no more free will for you.

  3. ...massi... Said,

    May 29, 2007 @ 8:40 am

    i f’in luv dis page…omg dis page just made my day and i will show dis 2 all my friends

  4. Janus Said,

    June 20, 2007 @ 3:29 am

    Bloody great mate!

  5. Julia Said,

    June 22, 2007 @ 9:18 am

    hah. genious. sadly i am 13 and i think i have actually said some of those phrases in coversation at vairous points in time. i must sound like a middle aged woman. oh well. no wonder my mother and i have such a good relationship.

  6. Marie Said,

    June 24, 2007 @ 8:28 am

    Ah…nothing like fresh sarcasim in the morning! Now i can finally start my day.

  7. Goober am I Said,

    July 10, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

    funnnyyy ssstttuuufffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Goober am I Said,

    July 10, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

    hee hee very funny yo flea bags!


    July 19, 2007 @ 10:05 am

    haha..nice one..and i already copy paste some of the share with my friend’s..hope u don’t mind ok..

  10. Demon_void Said,

    August 2, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

    Wow! I’m so happy for you! =) I’m sure all of your friends will have fun reading the quotes. =)

  11. sanjay Said,

    August 6, 2007 @ 2:09 am

    not bad…try this…..which is the only mammal without teeth??….that must be your granma…..

  12. Taylor Said,

    August 6, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

    Haha. Wow, I’m 13 and I’ve used alot of these…… :]]
    LOVE IT!

  13. ya mama!(anna) Said,

    August 21, 2007 @ 8:32 pm

    hahahah i g2 take a shower im unclean from reading ths

  14. denika Said,

    August 24, 2007 @ 11:19 am

    i do say these are well good mate

  15. shinz Said,

    August 30, 2007 @ 2:50 am

    hahahahahaha this page is lyk so effin’ kwl ……

  16. Alex Said,

    September 18, 2007 @ 4:42 pm

    Sarcasm is my best friend

  17. this is your mother Said,

    September 28, 2007 @ 10:19 pm

    LOL! loved them, brilliant people like me need the best. Sometimes, being perfect is tiring, but I must say this website’s quotes are something to actually see, and it doesn’t waste time at all.

  18. claroquita Said,

    October 5, 2007 @ 10:49 pm

    to those damned little people aged 13 who have already used a lot of these, why don’t you make new ones and leave the elderly think they are still funnily clever?

  19. i Said,

    October 13, 2007 @ 8:00 pm

    What was the best thing before sliced bread? mmmmmmmmmm mayb …. bread????????????
    lol gr8 page

  20. Kharosh Said,

    October 24, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    So, who cares if all these people like your page? Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.

    Indeed, ’tis a witty page – you make me feel more…me.

  21. I Said,

    October 29, 2007 @ 11:37 am

    Ya no – ive actually sed sum of this stuff =D
    Im so proud of me i cud cry =D

    Luvin this page tho it rox my sox off!!

  22. Ellie Harris Said,

    October 30, 2007 @ 12:14 pm

    Sarcasm is the body’s natural deffence against stupid

    I’m 13 and I thoroughly stand by that, and those sayings are very funny I love them!

  23. Kamryn Said,

    November 14, 2007 @ 6:25 pm

    OMG. these are so good. Sadly, (or not so sadly) i have used most of these. 😛

  24. hghfgjhf Said,

    November 29, 2007 @ 5:57 am

    This is sooo bORING!!!

  25. Probl3mChild Said,

    November 29, 2007 @ 9:56 am

    Well i must say i know where you got these from……..Me!!!! :)

  26. adrian Said,

    November 29, 2007 @ 5:06 pm

    None of this is sarcasm.

    For instance, the sarcastic version of “This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.” would be “This place is so nice that even the local cockroache family has moved in.”

    THATS SARCASM! Jesus, why dont the yank ever understand sarcasm?

  27. jackie Said,

    November 30, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

    I know there are more of these, can you post them?

  28. arthika Said,

    December 2, 2007 @ 2:06 pm


  29. maddy Said,

    December 8, 2007 @ 1:51 am

    omg this was so funny! and it really helped i am writing an editorial on sarcasim

  30. vic Said,

    December 21, 2007 @ 1:29 am

    good stuff … a bit of sarcasm gets one going thru d day

  31. maya(lol)sarcasm*spanish:gurl Said,

    December 26, 2007 @ 10:41 pm

    lol… funny hehe
    hey if anyone has some more tell me….i am 13 years old and yet i still have a g=heart of sarcasm….
    me and sarcasm are this close…. lol

  32. Ramakanth Said,

    January 9, 2008 @ 11:13 am

    They are really good. Thanks

  33. GOD Said,

    January 11, 2008 @ 9:59 am

    THATS GOLD!! i practically live on sarcasm! keep up the good work 😉
    If you don’t I SHALL SMITE YOU!!! MWAH HA HA

  34. Manda Said,

    January 14, 2008 @ 11:42 am

    Haha, love this page, I’m 16 and I’m 80% sure I’ve most probably used a lot of these!!

    I love sarcasm but I don’t use it a lot, as in 24 hours, I’d say 22!!<<Cause it’s even<< Lol!!

  35. sweet Said,

    February 11, 2008 @ 1:34 pm

    cOol!! i really love yer quotes!! i like sarcasm.. a really do.. i wish i was as sarcastic.. 😀

  36. Sruts Said,

    March 10, 2008 @ 1:54 pm

    Absolutely brilliant !! I love being sarcastic and this simply made my day !! Great work !!

  37. Random Said,

    March 19, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

    Yes that was my real e-mail adress, feel special -_-

    Your page was good. (Ha! you don’t know if I’m being sarcastic or not! the suspence! I’m so evil!)

    Sarcasm is my best friend and worst enemy, whichever comes first anyway.

  38. Harsh Said,

    March 21, 2008 @ 1:34 pm

    cool page man… i just love being sarcastic

  39. hayhay123 Said,

    March 24, 2008 @ 2:32 am

    friends are like slinkeys…they are usless….and go away at times…but you can count on them comming back…and you find strange pleasure and hapiness in pushing them down the stairs…

  40. ^_^ Said,

    March 25, 2008 @ 11:19 am

    hey add some more…i’m hungry for more funny sarcasm

  41. Luke Smilyface Said,

    April 4, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

    Omg that is absoloutly awesomful and like all the other comments i loved it.
    Munipulative truths
    Victoriously twisting intelligence
    A tornado’s tasteful sarcasm
    LOL omg i love that yeah i love your website and thats all i can say but right now i cant think of anyhting sarcastic to say except for that soz lol :) I WILL use them

  42. satyam Said,

    April 8, 2008 @ 12:16 pm

    u made me sarcastic

  43. Lithium Said,

    April 9, 2008 @ 8:18 pm

    love this page oh and here’s a comment that i use almost all the time

    if it looks like i care, then ur SUPER BLIND!!!

  44. JoJo Said,

    April 22, 2008 @ 12:57 am

    its rly sarcastic

  45. Name Said,

    May 8, 2008 @ 12:21 am

    Oh my! We preteens have decided to plagiarize these randomly found quotes and will most likely use them during a conversation!
    The education system has turned out to be an epic failure.

  46. Paul Said,

    May 15, 2008 @ 12:30 pm

    Im outa my mind here, be back in 5 mins

    Lol gd sight.. N why is every1 13 on this its like thers no other age limit

  47. thabzZz.. Said,

    May 20, 2008 @ 9:06 am

    hahahaha.. mamatay ka sa azZzar.. biatch..

  48. angelaaa Said,

    May 21, 2008 @ 9:42 am

    awesome page
    love sarcasm =]

  49. joan Said,

    May 24, 2008 @ 1:33 am

    when my sisters come round
    i feel like the scarecrow in the wizard of ozz….if i only had a brain.

  50. joan Said,

    May 24, 2008 @ 1:38 am

    stupid is as stupid does…

    life is like a box of stupid…some comes in cholocate coverd and some come with peanuts.

  51. Eileen Said,

    June 6, 2008 @ 7:19 am

    Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit!

  52. greta Said,

    June 19, 2008 @ 7:30 pm

    lol…dude u r funny…my fav thing-sarcasm..

  53. Julia Said,

    July 19, 2008 @ 1:35 am

    Love your page.

  54. myst_xyk Said,

    July 22, 2008 @ 1:45 pm

    ugh. well, this is so great!!!!!!!!!
    (Lord, forgive me. i just promised u last night that i wouldn’t lie anymore…but aint i told u also that i’ll always try to be nice?.. hope u understand.)

    so that’s it?…
    feels like ive just wasted my time reading ‘sweet nothings.” :)
    u guys are like saints. i know better than u. trust me.. and, yes, i was just kidding. 😛

  55. lovelydarling Said,

    July 29, 2008 @ 4:10 am

    ha ha ha ha
    can’t get enough of these quotes

  56. ha Said,

    August 2, 2008 @ 12:08 pm

    this site is so interesting, no wonder it lacks color

  57. CAROLINE Said,

    August 15, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

    Sarcasm is Genius I Love It xx 😉 xx

  58. dantaveas johnson Said,

    August 20, 2008 @ 1:52 pm

    wow it was pretty good to bad it wasn’t any more o yeah thanks 4 upgrading my sarcasm.

  59. Nyx! Said,

    August 25, 2008 @ 10:10 am

    Nice….now can we move to something sarcastic!!

  60. Saci_Alce Said,

    August 25, 2008 @ 10:16 am

    One of mine.

    Sucks your IQ can’t be as big as your ego.

  61. Anuj Said,

    August 31, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

    ^^^ This topic was just to near to be funny…..

    It just missed by few cms


  62. Tanzy Said,

    September 2, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

    Great stuff 😀 i use sarcastic quotes or anything for my signatures in forums or places like those.


    I dont suffer from Insanity, I enjoy it!!

  63. sarcasm master Said,

    September 5, 2008 @ 1:29 am

    y’no, i liked the sarcasm on ur page, but i do have a little advice. try using some of the sarcasm i use everyday like “he has no enemies, but is intencely isliked by his friends” or “i have never killed a man, but i read the weekly obituaries with great pleasure”. nah, but ur sarcasm’s good. lol.

  64. Gracy Said,

    September 18, 2008 @ 4:06 am

    Who so ever wrote these quotes is either too funny……. Or has completely lost his mind… God help him…. Or else… WHO CARES???

  65. Pricsilla Said,

    September 23, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

    i lo0ve thiis page

    ahahaha so0 co0l man!!!


  66. lhie Said,

    September 25, 2008 @ 1:30 pm

    .. .lOve it!!.. .*-*

  67. White Rabbit Said,

    October 1, 2008 @ 10:11 pm

    hah I actually didn’t read any 0f the quotes, f0r I read the c0mments.And let me be “part 0f the cr0wd” by saying h0w much I lo0ove ppl sh0wing 0ff like that…being “sarcastic” and all…Let me turn 0n the part 0f my brain that actually gives a damn and 0h it says:PPL get 0ver y0urselves….
    My m0ment t0 shine…great page btw :)

  68. dantaveas johnson Said,

    October 13, 2008 @ 1:25 pm

    man still funny every time i read it need to get more and this siye will be on top but um…… im syill more sarcastic go ahead i dare you to try me

  69. vinsanity Said,

    October 15, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

    sarcasm is the only real humor

  70. random KC Said,

    October 20, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

    this is soo bloody awesome. way to go mate. i must say that is use these frequently in whatever i may be saying at the the time. great job!!!

  71. Sarena Said,

    October 30, 2008 @ 3:30 pm

    No one ever appreciates mine, at least there are pages where I can enjoy others! 😀

  72. Derf Said,

    November 21, 2008 @ 7:12 pm

    lov it!

    “Elvis “Too young to die too fat to live”

    “The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I couldn’t care less.”

    “There’s a thin line between a love tap and murder with a blunt instrument”

  73. Nick Said,

    December 7, 2008 @ 12:22 pm

    ” If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”

  74. shelby Said,

    December 8, 2008 @ 5:15 pm

    cool I love it it’s genious

  75. Jenna Tull Said,

    December 26, 2008 @ 5:10 am

    i’m laughing on the dark and abysmal inside. heh. heh.

  76. aayushi Said,

    December 30, 2008 @ 5:47 pm


  77. tanisq Said,

    January 13, 2009 @ 11:03 pm

    beacuse its hard to say no.

  78. sophiaclariz Said,

    January 21, 2009 @ 12:22 pm

    great!!! love it… sarcasm rocks!!!

  79. pooh Said,

    January 22, 2009 @ 1:57 pm

    okie ppl.. c’mon start postin al d sarcastic quotes and sarcastic lines.. yea we al know how gud d page is.. lets make it better by contributin to d sarcasm ’round..

  80. Meh Said,

    January 31, 2009 @ 1:53 pm

    By the time you’ve read this, you’ve already read it.

  81. charlotte Said,

    January 31, 2009 @ 9:05 pm

    i can really get my mates with these quotes it will be so funny thanks google ur 1 of my friends!!! lol :-)

  82. blah Said,

    February 7, 2009 @ 4:58 pm

    is everyone like 13 that leaves a comment here? shouldnt you kids be doing homework or something?

  83. you Said,

    February 8, 2009 @ 11:18 pm

    this was great, but boring

    sarcasm has to come from the heart, thats if you even have one

  84. Archie Said,

    February 11, 2009 @ 8:08 am

    a lot of ppl r 13 arent dey???

    nice quotes^_^

  85. mehroon Said,

    February 19, 2009 @ 9:30 am

    phew!!!! what a dose of sarcasm!!!!!

  86. A sarcastic, apathetic, jerk sorry! Said,

    February 28, 2009 @ 5:40 am

    I love people. I am never sarcastic.

  87. A sarcastic, apathetic, jerk sorry! Said,

    February 28, 2009 @ 5:40 am

    There is nothing as stupid as an educated if you get him off the subject he was educated in

  88. A sarcastic, apathetic, jerk sorry! Said,

    February 28, 2009 @ 5:41 am

    Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

  89. A sarcastic, apathetic, jerk sorry! Said,

    February 28, 2009 @ 5:42 am

    There is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.

  90. A sarcastic, apathetic, jerk sorry! Said,

    February 28, 2009 @ 5:43 am

    No, Bob is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend

  91. maria jamil Said,

    March 6, 2009 @ 6:35 pm

    simply ammazing…muah muah muah

  92. sarcasim by its first name Said,

    March 6, 2009 @ 8:50 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! i say some of these all the time!! but 99% of the time i get in trouble for my sarcasim…meh oh well! those nuns i go to school with dont know what they are missing!

    you know you luv me!

  93. lafonduhh Said,

    March 13, 2009 @ 8:50 pm

    there should be more

  94. Davodevil Said,

    March 15, 2009 @ 9:17 pm

    Whoa! hey your sarcasm is showing!

  95. lutfen Said,

    March 17, 2009 @ 5:46 am

    thanks! your quotes made my day

  96. nik Said,

    April 10, 2009 @ 8:11 pm

    horrrible!!!!! all are stale
    Get a life bring in some fresh sarcasmmm!

  97. Branislav Plesa Said,

    April 11, 2009 @ 11:41 pm

    This is sarcasm:
    “I swear if my life gets any better, I’m phoning hell and inquiring about their exchange program!” (nooooo, I made this up, I NEVER watch frasier, much less the episode where… fuck….)

    “Last time I had this much fun I woke up in a coffin”

    “You know? I’m SO HAPPY my best friend brought my ex-girlfriend to my band’s rehearsal! This REALLY makes my day! And I’m SO HAPPY for them that they’re dating and most of all, I’m so HAPPY this guy is the drummer in my band!!!!”

    And, last but not least:”Murphy was an optimist”

    However I must admit I found this page…. amusing.

  98. mayan pohan Said,

    April 21, 2009 @ 6:28 pm

    one of mine..

    Dont die! Live another boring life! lol.

  99. ?™xtinnee™? Said,

    April 26, 2009 @ 3:37 am

    wooh!!! itz freakin awesome™….

  100. a person smarter than you Said,

    May 1, 2009 @ 2:18 am

    I love talking to peple. They are so smart. I love them. I am never sarcastic.
    Democracy is a charming form of government; full of variety and despair, creating equality of equals and unequals alike.
    Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people, whose privacy has been disuptively and intruisively invaded.

    Like all the other people in this I am 13 (not really).

  101. a person smarter than you Said,

    May 1, 2009 @ 2:34 am

    Luke Smiley face or whatever that is not your haiku. I have seen that haiku around for years. Do not plagarize and claim that it is yours.

  102. simran Said,

    May 2, 2009 @ 3:26 pm

    this page is really awesome

  103. Jeff S Said,

    May 3, 2009 @ 12:58 pm

    “I hate your face.”
    “I love yours. It reminds me of my a**.”

  104. Benjamin Said,

    May 10, 2009 @ 5:00 pm

    Well this is crap isn’t it!

  105. Nicholas Sauneire Said,

    May 23, 2009 @ 11:42 am

    man…..amazing quotes….

    u juz cant select the best one………..

  106. Rain-San Said,

    May 25, 2009 @ 11:53 pm

    I actually have some too.

    Would you like to blame me for anything else?
    Gas prices?
    Global warming?

    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again…
    I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass….
    I don’t hate you, I dislike you with great intensity…
    You go girl! And don’t come back…
    I taught your boyfriend that thing you like…
    I understand the concept of cooking & cleaning, just not as it applies to me…
    I see your playing stupid again, looks like your winning too…
    When did I know I was God? I was praying and I realized I was talking to myself…
    Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer…
    I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem!!!
    I’m not shy. I’m just studying my prey…
    I see lots of things, except your point…
    They say that money talk, but mine just wave goodbye…
    I’m not skipping school, I’m on a self-motivated field trip…

    Hope you liked them. Ps, sorry for writing so many, but I felt this page was rather lacking. B-)

  107. Brandi Said,

    May 26, 2009 @ 8:08 pm

    Lovin the sarcasm. Haha….

  108. True follower Said,

    May 27, 2009 @ 6:10 am

    Ya…..Can relate them to situations around me and helps me to laugh

  109. monster Said,

    June 1, 2009 @ 3:34 am

    oh yeah! sarcastic baby.. hehehehe

  110. Cynthia Alaniz Said,

    November 3, 2010 @ 1:14 am

    hahaha cool!!:) they made me laugh…tehehehe:D

  111. Misha Said,

    January 19, 2011 @ 2:42 pm

    I <3 this page…makes my work day go much faster….just too funny :)

  112. The Bink Said,

    January 21, 2011 @ 7:31 pm

    omg i loved this page but i thinks its even more funny that people r sittin here readin the names of who said what and they got to me and said wtf is the Bink!!!

  113. Diane Said,

    January 28, 2011 @ 6:34 am

    Sarcasm is my 2nd name, i just love these, its me in a nutshell.

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